most wonderful

There is that day near the end of November when the shift occurs. Seemingly in an instant, the air turns crisp and smells delicious. Days last a moment, then are quickly covered by the thick blanket of night. The pace of life quickens to an eventual dash for the season's end.

I love this time of year because I can't help but to pause... often. I remember and think about the people in my life - the people that I love and even those that I don't. Invariably I assume a somber, contemplative posture and reflect on the past - about the good, the bad, about the life lessons I can leave behind and those I can take into the future.

I remember my Father and his Son... I think about that night, that life. The woman and her husband. Without fail I am thankful.

fallen

Yesteday, I marveled at the beauty of birth.
I watched a child breathe her first breath.
Tonight, I have been leveled to my knees as I wonder at the brevity and uncertainty of life.
I feel sad and small and broken.

Today, an american soldier fell. The son of my sister in Christ died in Iraq. As he shed blood thousands of miles away, a mother down the street and near my heart lost her son. Two children lost their brother and a young bride lost her bridegroom.

Today, as one daughter's life began, a son's life ended.

Tonight my heart leaps for one family and bleeds for another. Each life so precious, so signficant, yet small. I feel happy and sad. So, so sad.

a breath of heaven

Today, at 2:05 p.m., Morgan Elizabeth was born in Lafayette, Colorado. I was blessed with the honor of supporting and walking beside her parents through 14 of the 19 hours they labored. This afternoon, I received a grand reward for my part in their journey - I watched her life begin.

Oh, I am overwhelmed. I am humbled and in complete awe. Never, have I witnessed anything more beautiful than the miracle of childbirth. I am convinced that there is nothing more breathtaking that one can behold on this side of heaven. Tonight, I am touched. I am full. I am SO sleepy.

Thank you, Lord.

chinny chin-chin

Motherhood has blessed and changed me in so many ways. I've learned more of what it means to love, to give, to sacrifice. I've mastered the art of multi-tasking, I've really come to appreciate the simple pleasure of animal crackers and I can almost carry on three (or more) simultaneous conversations.

I'm warming to the idea of "company" in the bathroom, and I'm learning contentment and even joy when drowning in laundry, diapers, spit-up and all sorts of other unimaginable things. I've grown... literally. My bottom has spread, my belly is "fuller" and my feet are nearly two sizes larger post-babies.

Changes. They are to be expected... of course. Nevertheless, nothing prepared me for this. I thought it was a fluke.

Maybe about 6 months ago, I noticed something I'd NEVER noticed before. I spied this curly little something at the bottom of my chin. Naively, I tried to brush it away, but it wouldn't come off. After further examination, I realized: that's a hair... AND IT'S GROWING OUT OF MY CHIN!?!?!?

Please keep in mind that I was the girl who innocently wondered every time I was in a hair or nail salon, "Why in the world would any woman need to wax her lip or her chin?"

Well, now I know.

I stretched the hair to its length in horror. "How long has it been there???? Why didn't anyone tell me??" I wondered. With tweezers, I tugged on the little nuisance.

"Gone... Oh, wait...."

To my dismay, I found another. Then another. Then another. FOUR CURLY HAIRS?! That's a beard!!! Somehow, in my naivitee, I thought that once I plucked, my nightmare would be over. Sadly, I was wrong.

In front of the mirror this morning, as I transitioned from asleep to awake, I noticed a pimple. Just as I was set to operate, I discovered that my new little companion had not stopped by on his own. He brought four curly-haired friends along with him.

I'll never be alone again! Yet another unexpected blessing of motherhood.


PLEASE NOTE: I promise that I will try to keep my facial hair under control if you promise not to stare at my chin every time you talk to me in the future.

officially unofficial

I completed AND PASSED my academic requirement to teach childbirth education classes... YAHOO!!! That means I'm officially a not-quite-official Bradley instructor! Next Monday, I will teach my first provisional class, and the following weekend, I will begin my birth doula certfication. I haven't written about this yet, because I don't really know where to begin on this topic. There is SO much inside just waiting to be shared. Far too much to unpack right now.

It's after one.

WHY am I awake right now??? In less than five hours, Maya's face will meet mine - hers, vertical. Mine, horizontal. "Momma, what are you doing?" she'll inquire. "I'm sleeping," I'll yawn my response, then struggle to get out of bed, wondering once again... WHY WAS I AWAKE AND BLOGGING AT ONE A.M.???"

I digress.

Although I have collected bits and pieces of this puzzle for over ten years, it is just in the last few months that I've begun to put them together. His promises have met my desire in a most breathtaking dance. The emerging picture is so beautiful. So exciting. So overwhelming. So perfect.

Eden's Birth.

There is much to tell. There is even more to learn and still much work to be done.

Yet only 4 1/2 hours remain until the morning staredown... I'm going to bed.

suddenly i see

Her face is a map of the world

Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It make you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm...

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me.

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in back and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember what you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on a word...

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me.

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower...

She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see
Suddenly I see...

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me.

~KT Tunstall