good intention

For the first time - I think in my entire life - the New Year will not begin with another resolution to lose 5 (or 10 or 20) lbs... hmmm. Honestly, it's a little disconcerting. You see, I've spent 30+ years utterly consumed. Not so much these days. 2007 was the year that I made peace with my thighs, so now what?!?! I suppose it's time to grow up, move on and start living this life. This year I intend...

... to pursue relationship, health, balance and peace
... to dance and sing aloud
... to love fervently
... to cloak myself in gratitude
... to look up far more
... to say um, like and o.k. far less
... to be outdoors as much as humanly possible
... to cultivate compassion and consideration
... to play
... to eat more sushi
... to finish (start) Cole's baby book
... to read and write just because
... to be (JUST be) with my kids
... to run (not jog) a race
... to take more pictures
... to befriend someone much older than me
... to befriend someone much younger than me
... to complete my first triathlon
... to spend my time, resource and energy more wisely
... to take a vacation
... to give a little more (and a little less)
... to deal with the "to-be-filed" boxes
... to try at least one thing again that I resolved I never would
... to be gracious and merciful
... to smile and laugh a lot
... to let go or at least loosen my grip
... to stop making so many lists
... to get more sleep

That's my cue.

the list '07

Oh, and speaking of which, I have a little unfinished business to settle.

Now, I realize that we are already a week into the New Year (and I also realize that it is 4 in the morning), but frankly, I am not done with 2007 yet. I'm still processing... still reflecting. (And you thought the year would come and go without the one thing you waited for all year! Not so, not so, dear one.)

I hesitated (for a second) to skip it for 2007, since I only posted about 11 times on my blogs last year (I have resolved to write much more this year), but I can't disappoint... I can't break tradition... I can't... sleep.

So with that said and without further ado, I give you my top ten, favorite posts of 2007 (drum roll please...)

10. a.m. expedition. What started as a pretty depressing morning turned into one of my favorite days I spent with my kiddos all year. We got great pictures and had an amazing time.

9. after. In the end it was exhilarating to face, expose and acknowledge years of desperate denial; something finally had to be done... and it was! My blog (and those excruciating "before" pictures) inspired me to action. It was pure satisfaction to finally get to take and post the "after" pictures. Perhaps this will be the year that I get to the last six (eight) "to-be-filed" boxes that have been neatly stacked (out of eye-sight) since March. Baby steps...

8. a blip. Note to self: don't park a shiny black Town Car in front of your house.

7. freshman 15. OK, technically this post wasn't written in 2007, and thus, should not be considered for "the list." But, I have decided to include it anyway for three reasons: 1) it didn't make it in before the count in 2006. 2) I've got to reach here, people... I've got slim-pickins! 3) In all seriousness, this silly little post precipitated a life-changing journey for which I will be eternally grateful (a nice segway into...)

6. being transformed. I was. I continue to be. It's been a remarkable ride.

5. hard to say goodbye. You're not going to believe it when I tell you, but these pants have been put to rest. Truly. The transformation continues, indeed!

4. BIG, well little news. My son will probably need therapy after this post (sorry, Cole), but I just couldn't resist! It captured the most priceless, proud moment on film (... or digits... whatever, you know what I mean). This makes me giggle every time I see it, and frankly, holding onto the hope of it in my mind and in my heart has helped me persevere through every smelly diaper-change I've endured since that day. (Yeah, we only got one more, much larger poop after shameless bribery with a matchbox car a couple weeks ago. We've since decided to let the potty collect dust somewhere else until the summer... sigh)

3. isms. Classic Maya. She has so many of these "isms." It was fun and just-plain-funny to write this post. It still makes me laugh out loud, and it helps me to appreciate all of those little things that make Maya, Maya.

2. kandid perfection. It's almost a year to the day of that shining moment in my history of parenthood! It was a necessary reminder of that truth I need to hear daily: I'm not (and I'm never gonna be) perfect. Ah, it feels good to say it. We haven't been back to k.k. since that day, but we may try again in the near future (mercy, Lord). I'll keep you posted.

And last, but not least: my favorite post of 2007...

1. christmas letters and blogs. That pretty much sums it up for Abi T. It's what I do. It's what I'm about. It's how I make my mark in the world... so deal!

Thanks for indulging me. Whether or not the posts reflect it, 2007 was a good year... perhaps my best, actually. I blog because, I think it's invaluable to take time to reflect, record, ponder and pause on this road. One can't help but to have gratitude. I intend to take (make) that time much more often this year.

If you don't already, maybe you too should take the plunge. Stop reading and start typing!

Until December...

so now you know

I just discovered that Leah tagged me some time back in November (my bad). It went something like this: "Reveal 10 things about yourself that most people probably don't know." This should be fun. Here goes...

1. I count the strokes of deodorant I put on in the morning. It's always the same number (usually 11) on each side.

2. I eat oatmeal with raisins, flax seeds and a blend of beneficial oils for breakfast almost every morning.

3. I am perfectly content to be by myself.

4. My favorite time of day is some time between 5 and 6 a.m., and my least favorite place on the planet is a public restroom.

5. Dylan McKay (from Beverly Hills 90210) was the reason I started looking at colleges in California. Sadly, I'm serious.

6. I carved a pint-sized "I 'HEART' Q" (as in Quincy Mitchell) into my ankle when I was a freshman in high school. Yeah. I have no idea what ever happened to Quincy Mitchell, but his initial is still on my ankle.

7. I once ate 40 Reese's Peanut Butter cups (not miniatures, I'm talking cups) in one sitting.

8. If I had a do-over in college, I would have dropped Advertising like a bad habit and majored in English and Art instead.

9. I have few, if any, memories before age 7.

10. I am pretty certain that 2007 was the best year I have lived.


And there you have it. If you haven't written your list yet... Tag, you're it.

music

This is how I spent most of Christmas day this year.

Once I completed my final exams December 11th, I hit the ground running with just two weeks to "do" Christmas. At a few minutes after midnight Christmas morning, I finished! Sadly, I spent so much time "doing," however, that by 10:00 a.m., I was done.

Fever, chills, aches, pain, cold, cough... you name it, I had it.

Yes, it's flu season, and this is the risk you run when you consistently opt against a flu shot (of course I'm starting to royally regret this decision). But I think (I know) this was more than the flu.

The truth is, I hit the ground running long before December 11th; I haven't stopped running since some time in the early 80s. It's who I have become, it's how I've learned to cope - to control, to find order in disorder: I run. I do. I go. I make lists, I check them once, twice, thrice.... I write them, then re-write them. I delight in completing them (perfectly), and then of course, it's time for another list. There is ALWAYS something to do, ALWAYS something left to be done, ALWAYS something else to put on my list.

This year, leveled me (literally). I can't keep up with my lists. I can't live up to my standard. I can't keep going like I'm going. No one can. There are not enough hours in the day (or the year) and there isn't enough grace to go around (or perhaps it's the other way around). But Lord knows, I'll keep trying. I'll keep pushing, fighting, going and doing until I'm done... doing until I'm debilitated - unable to pee let alone able to enjoy the most special of days with people I love.

I was forced to acknowledge this Christmas what I've probably known for a while: I'm missing the music. It's a humbling truth to face especially realizing that I don't know how to live otherwise. Invariably, I spend so much time, effort and energy obsessing, checking, re-checking, perfecting... orchestrating every detail, that I rarely experience the symphony. Precious moments are passing me by. I'm missing the music.

God, in his wisdom and mercy, placed a brick wall (a hard one) in front of me on Christmas morning . I crashed and crumbled in front of my fireplace, and for 20 hours, at the expense of Christmas spent with my husband, kids, siblings, step-siblings, Dad and Stepmom, I stopped running and could do little else but to listen.

In the stillness, solitude and excruciating pain of Christmas day, I smelled, saw, tasted, felt and heard a bit of what I've been missing. The bar is high, indeed, but the stakes are much higher.

And the orchestra plays on.

'bout time

You understand what a big deal this is, right?
I thought you would be pleased.

celebrating thirty-one

Yup. This is me... in the flesh.
In pink. (who knew?!?)

I turned 31 today.

This birthday was like no other birthday I've ever celebrated. No cake. No ice cream. No fuss. It was SUCH a normal day, complete with laundry, groceries and dishes. Today was extraordinary in its normality. I had a GREAT birthday. I delighted in the simple pleasures of my life today... a good workout... an extra long shower... washed hair and shaved legs... a well-stocked fridge... gas in my car... a midday nap... phone calls, emails and messages from a bunch of people I love (thank you)... sushi... a fun night with my family...

...AND beautifully wrapped gifts?!?!?
(new running gear AND a pedicure... yippee!!)

God has been good to me. I've lived thirty-one rich years.
I am totally, completely, thoroughly and abundantly blessed.

My family has retired for the night.
I've still got lunches to pack and a kitchen to clean.
Instead, I'm blogging.

And for the next 48 minutes (at least), I'll be celebrating.