17 April 2007

virginia tech

After a day in the dark - uniformed, unaware - I finally caught wind of the news.

My head is spinning, my insides are empty, and I feel heartbroken for him. For all of them.

"I look to you, heaven-dwelling God, look up to you for help.Like servants, alert to their master's commands, like a maiden attending her lady, We're watching and waiting, holding our breath, awaiting your word of mercy.

Mercy, God. MERCY..." ~ t
he Message, Ps 123


Yesterday, in response to a comment I made, someone teasingly reacted by calling me a name - a biting, awful name. It's ironic because I honestly couldn't be anything further from all this word represents. Nonetheless, it was spoken.

Ordinarily, I'd simply call this person on his insolence, then allow his words to roll off of me as quickly as they came. Yet today, in spite of the frivolity and jest with which this word was delivered, and further, its absurdity when attached to me, its bite continues to sting. Today, I feel hurt. IN SPITE of intentions that meant me no harm, the heartfelt apology that followed and the fact that there is neither substance nor truth to what was said,
a piece of my spirit is wounded.

Today, in a day and a country privileged with the blessing of free speech, in an era of countless published authors (aka bloggers), in the wake of the Don Imus debacle, and to every single one of us who may not have impudently vomited harmful, hateful words all over public radio, but have carelessly spoken (or thought) the same poison for which this man is guilty, I must say - I MUST SCREAM - that OUR WORDS HAVE POWER!

Yes, within each of us is also the power to receive or to dismiss anything that is put into the universe. INDEED. Nevertheless, I refuse to accept this as an excuse for imprudent speech. Regardless of our "intentions," WE MUST BE RESPONSIBLE. I am sick of the apologies - getting them and giving them. Frankly, it is not enough to apologize after the fact. We must be accountable for our words BEFORE they proceed from our mouths. Much more importantly, we must begin to be accountable for our thoughts and the intentions of our hearts that manifest themselves into cutting words we may later regret.

It takes neither competence nor creativity, imagination nor ingenuity to negligently drop f-bombs around
(for my little kids to pick up), then dismiss them as innocuous "means of expression." GIVE ME A BREAK! Why do we continue to poison our communities and ourselves with colorless speech and even worse, unbridled thought?


Perhaps it is naive of me, but I believe our time and resource are better spent not only thinking, but speaking those things which are noble, true, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, edifying and worthy of praise. In the Good Book, a wise man wrote:
"Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

INDEED! May my words be as well.

09 April 2007

run with me

OK there's one more thing... this afternoon I received a t-shirt, bib number and registration for my second Bolder Boulder. 49 days to go.

I LOVE this Colorado tradition, and I'm definitely looking forward to doing again. The catch is this: I don't want to do it alone. When I asked my husband to join me this year, he pretty much laughed in my face. Since then, I've thrown the idea out to a handful of friends and gotten many "I'll-think-about-it" types of responses (translation, "Uh, no thanks!"). So, I have shamelessly resorted to putting the request out in cyberspace.

I'm looking for an interesting person with whom to run (jog) the Bolder Boulder 10K on Memorial Day (Happy Birthday, Auntie Fo-fo) and potentially the Denver 1/2 Marathon in October. Friendship isn't even a prerequisite here (although, playing that one out in my head is a little creepy). Scratch that. Friends (past, present or future), friends of friends,
colleagues, associates, acquaintances... all (most) are welcome to apply!


man's chief end

I read something early this morning that I've been pondering ever since. It said:
"Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever."

This is a pretty bold and profound statement. There is absolutely no room for gray with a decree like this one; it either is or it isn't. So, I've been asking myself all day, "Is MY chief end to glorify God and to enjoy him forever?"

Is it?

Because if it is, there would be evidence, right?
My thoughts, my words, my time, my actions, my relationships, my energy... my life would proclaim, "YES, indeed this is true."

I've been searching and digging and wrestling to determine my answer today. I've been trying to see beyond that which I want my answer to be to that which it truly is. In all honesty and sincerity, are there facts and irrefutable evidence in my life that supports the truth of this statement? Can I whole-heartedly testify and demonstrate that my purpose is to live for the glory of God? Is it true that my significance - my hope, my end - is found in knowing and loving and serving almighty God? Do I really - in the core of my being - believe this?

Do I? Do you?

The implications of resolutely standing on these words are enormous.


08 April 2007


Last weekend, Paul and I celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary. This week, we began our seventh year - our sabbath year - together.

Our long weekend began at the Izba Spa in Denver (wow). Three-point-five rejuvenating days in the mountains followed. Throughout our respite from reality, I fell in love (and in like) with my husband and best friend all over again. During the silence of day 2 (I think it was some time after my FOUR HOUR nap), I began to realize the full extent of the noise to which we've grown accustomed. It was good and SO important for us to slow down and just to be together.

In a few short days, we talked, walked, laughed, cried, cooked, cleaned, danced, dreamed, vegged, explored, rested, nested, reflected and reconnected.
We pranced along the surface and delved deep down too. It was good. Sweet. Absolutely precious time.

On the way home, we stopped for dinner at Benihana (yum), the restaurant at which we enjoyed our first meal together as husband and wife back in Marina del Rey six years ago. Then... it was over.

Although the sun and our children had retired for the night, the volume and cadence of our life, which in a weekend had all but diminished, quickly escalated within moments of stepping in our front door. Back to real life. For a day or two, I was grieved and wanted to go back, but tonight - in the stillness and quiet of my post-anniversary home - I am utterly pleased.

I found an AMAZING partner, whom I love, like and genuinely respect. Together, we get to parent and love two AMAZING, curly-haired children. Tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that one and hopefully many, many more days to follow, we get to walk through the ups and downs of this AMAZING journey called life. Sometimes it will be manic and noisy, other times it will be still and serene. Regardless, we get to do it together.

07 April 2007

a thought

I kid you not, this was the first thought that came to mind this morning...

"Besides meeting Jesus, meeting Paul and birthing my two children, potty training is the best thing that has ever happened to me..."