3:40 a.m.

This week (THANK YOU, Lisa), I rediscovered Good Earth Tea...

Note to self: Unless it says decaf - no matter HOW warm and wonderful and absolutely delicious it tastes - drinking two big cups
(32 oz... oy!) right before bed is just a BAD idea.

(Just realized that the number one ingredient is black tea... yeah)

to blog

"Stories have to be told or they die, and when they die, we can't remember who we are or why we're here." ~ Sue Monk Kidd

warmth

In the crisp cool of this morning, to the rhythm of my steps, I witnessed the birth of a new day. For 49 minutes, I ran and listened and felt and watched as His masterpiece unfolded. Amber, then coral warmed the cobalt sky. He painted broad, brilliant stroke after stroke across a vast canvas.

Black silhouettes of leafless trees lined my path and stretched. Their thunderous trunks grounded, arms raised... reaching. An owl perched on a spindly finger broke the silence and cried out. Together we marveled. Praising.

"The heavens declare the glory of the God; and the firmament shows His handiwork. Day unto day utters speech, and night unto night reveals knowledge." ~Psalm 19:1,2

In the crisp cool of this morning, I was in glorious communion with my Creator and His creation. My cheeks, the tip of my nose and my fingertips are still numb, yet as another day begins, I feel warm.

random lunches

Refresh. Refuel. Rejuvenate... Relish.

Couscous with Sausage and Summer Squash

Sauteed Veggies with Tofu, Green Chili Rice Cups and Fresh Fruit

Roast Beef on Whole Wheat with Lentil Soup

I really think I'm on to something.

class

You'll never guess where I am... I'm on a break, sitting in Theories in Personality and Counseling. Ah... connection. SO amazing. The last week... oh, the last seven days. There was so much. It's over. I'm relieved.

waste

Seemingly out of no where, she asked the question over breakfast this morning...

Maya: "Momma, what does waste mean"

Me: "Race?"

Maya: "No, waste."

Me: "Oh, Waste."

First I wondered why she asked the question, then I realized I had never answered that question before or even thought about a definition. I pondered it for while, then finally responded...

Me: "Well, waste is when we don't use something that is useful or valuable," I explained with a satisfied smile; I was thoroughly please with my definition.

Maya: "Oh. So we waste things we don't like?"

Me: "Yes... well, I suppose... sometimes we waste things we do like, too."

I'm still unsure of the thoughts behind the question, but it definitely cut to my core, and it's left me thinking...

syllabus

I received a syllabus for school - complete with reading assignments - tonight. As I read the email, my heart sunk a bit under the pressure of the small but conspicuous weight that now resides on my chest.

Reality.

I just finished packing lunches. The kiddos go back to preschool in the morning, the first class in my new series begins tomorrow night, and school starts on Thursday. The break has been amazing, and now it's time to go back (sigh). Feeling a little burdened about it. Something has to change.

Hopefully I won't be signing off until some time mid-Spring. Hopefully.

*****

Candy Cane Lane, warm socks and Christmas jammies. Mmmm. Thanks, God.

mmmm...

Sprouted-Whole Grain English Muffin with Egg and Avocado

Baby Spinach with Black Beans, Peppers and all the fixin's...

...And it was GOOD.

a revolution

I've also been thinking lately about lunch (can you tell I'm still on Christmas break?!?).

This past year, my world was literally rocked through the power of lunch. I can't pinpoint the day it began, but about a week ago I finally noticed.

Pots and pans. Revolutionary.

At some point over the last year, I finally realized that I am worthy of a lunch prepared with pots and pans (yes, in the middle of the day, even though I've got two kids and ten thousand other things to do). I am worthy of the fifteen minutes (or more) it takes to prepare the perfect big salad with all all sorts of fresh veggies, fruits, a little crunch AND protein. I am worthy of actually using a fork and a knife to eat my lunch and damn it (please forgive, I'm making a point here), I am especially worthy of sitting down, chewing, swallowing and even breathing a little in the process.

It's revolutionary.

While I was talking to Leah on the phone this afternoon, I prepared a beautiful meal for my children - balanced, colorful and nutritious. Then, as I laughed and chatted and caught up with my friend, I prepared a healthy, creative and absolutely BEAUTIFUL lunch for me. It was gorgeous... dare I say, a masterpiece. Can I say that? Well, it was.

I savored every delectable bite. I thoroughly enjoyed the twenty minutes I spent in preparation, the additional twenty minutes spent eating, and you know what, it was worth every second of the twenty minutes or more minutes it will take to clean up once I stop blogging. My lunch was so good and so beautiful, in fact, that I kid you not, halfway through my meal I started regretting that I didn't take a picture before I started eating.

As I delighted in every last morsel, I started to think about you. You know who you are. You are that woman who shovels garbage down your throat on your way somewhere... or that mom who nibbles off your kiddos' plates but never takes a moment to regroup and refuel yourself... or you are that guy who doesn't have the time to prepare or worse, clean up, so you just starve yourself all day and then regret it after you voraciously gorge later.

To you I would like to say that you too are worthy of a good lunch. God has gifted us with fuel that actually looks and tastes good. It's time to receive. Get out your cutting board or your pots and pans... or BOTH. Use your imagination. Get creative. SIT DOWN.

I know what you are thinking. I had that thought too: you don't have time. You have to work. OK then, pack yourself a good lunch. If not lunch, wake up 30 minutes early and treat yourself to a good breakfast. If you can't do it every day, fine. How about one day? Still feel too indulgent? OK... multi-task. Call a good friend and catch up while you cook. Sit down, spend twenty minutes on you, then call another good friend and catch up with her while you do your dishes. Four birds (time spent with two friends, a good lunch and a clean kitchen), one stone. How can you say no?

It's a lunch revolution. Jump on.

After today's creation, I think I really am going to start taking pictures. It will inspire me. Maybe you too. In fact, I think I may even make today's lunch again tomorrow just so you can see it.

Until then.

gratitude

Gratitude. What will it look like to cloak myself in gratitude?

Not sure exactly, but I am certain that it will heighten my senses and add color to an already vibrant world. It will take me out of my mind and myself and help me to really see, hear, touch, taste, smell, feel... to experience, to appreciate the richness of every good and perfect gift. Right now, as I think, type and sip my tea, it has already begun. A shift.

In this moment, five things immediately come to mind - five sweet and precious gifts You have given to me. Right now I want to thank You for...

1. Cinnamon Apple Spice Tea. I could drink it all day (oh wait, I do!). God, it's so GOOD. Cinnamon... and Apples... together in a warm, soothing beverage. It's the most delightful union, and I get to indulge day after day, night after night. It is SO good. Thank you.

2. Leah. I just spent 45 delightful minutes on the phone with my college roommate. Fourteen years ago (14?!?!) you brightened my world with one of the most intriguing, peculiar, funny, creative and absolutely wonderful people I know - one of my dearest and most treasured friends. Thank you. Although I haven't seen Leah in 2 1/2 years, through the wonder of Blogger, it feels like she was in my living room yesterday. We haven't spoken in at least six months, yet we easily pick up right where we left off. I love that. Thank you.

3. Lauren. The kiddos and I came home from her house yesterday afternoon smiling. Wide. When we left CA, my biggest fear was that I wouldn't find friends here who just fit. Soul mates. But I did. Oh, you are good to me. Thank you. Thank you that not only does my friend fit, not only is she easy, light, refreshing and just good, but she and I share daughters who fit too. Thank you. Thank you for teaching me about planting seeds and giving freely through Lauren. THANK YOU that I got to be with her the day her son breathed his first breath. You are too good. Thank you.

4. A package. After a year. One year. This morning I finished the last of my requirements and sent my DONA certification to the committee. Oh, it felt so good, Lord. Thank you. Thank you for every birth I got to be a part of this year. Thank you for growing and stretching and moving and inspiring me this year. Thank you for every client you brought into my life. Thank you for using me to edify, to encourage, to educate and to empower - seeds you planted in my heart 10 years ago, blossoming today. I am utterly humbled. Thank you.

5. Christmas Break. Just a few more days and the pace picks up again. Thank you for slowing me down these last few weeks. Thank you for leveling me. Thank you for filling me. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for sweet time spent with my kids. Thank you for giving me time to blog... finally. You are good.

My tea is gone, my insides are warm and my tears are flowing. Remarkable. A monumental shift, indeed. Oh, I am grateful. Thank you for gratitude.

good intention

For the first time - I think in my entire life - the New Year will not begin with another resolution to lose 5 (or 10 or 20) lbs... hmmm. Honestly, it's a little disconcerting. You see, I've spent 30+ years utterly consumed. Not so much these days. 2007 was the year that I made peace with my thighs, so now what?!?! I suppose it's time to grow up, move on and start living this life. This year I intend...

... to pursue relationship, health, balance and peace
... to dance and sing aloud
... to love fervently
... to cloak myself in gratitude
... to look up far more
... to say um, like and o.k. far less
... to be outdoors as much as humanly possible
... to cultivate compassion and consideration
... to play
... to eat more sushi
... to finish (start) Cole's baby book
... to read and write just because
... to be (JUST be) with my kids
... to run (not jog) a race
... to take more pictures
... to befriend someone much older than me
... to befriend someone much younger than me
... to complete my first triathlon
... to spend my time, resource and energy more wisely
... to take a vacation
... to give a little more (and a little less)
... to deal with the "to-be-filed" boxes
... to try at least one thing again that I resolved I never would
... to be gracious and merciful
... to smile and laugh a lot
... to let go or at least loosen my grip
... to stop making so many lists
... to get more sleep

That's my cue.

the list '07

Oh, and speaking of which, I have a little unfinished business to settle.

Now, I realize that we are already a week into the New Year (and I also realize that it is 4 in the morning), but frankly, I am not done with 2007 yet. I'm still processing... still reflecting. (And you thought the year would come and go without the one thing you waited for all year! Not so, not so, dear one.)

I hesitated (for a second) to skip it for 2007, since I only posted about 11 times on my blogs last year (I have resolved to write much more this year), but I can't disappoint... I can't break tradition... I can't... sleep.

So with that said and without further ado, I give you my top ten, favorite posts of 2007 (drum roll please...)

10. a.m. expedition. What started as a pretty depressing morning turned into one of my favorite days I spent with my kiddos all year. We got great pictures and had an amazing time.

9. after. In the end it was exhilarating to face, expose and acknowledge years of desperate denial; something finally had to be done... and it was! My blog (and those excruciating "before" pictures) inspired me to action. It was pure satisfaction to finally get to take and post the "after" pictures. Perhaps this will be the year that I get to the last six (eight) "to-be-filed" boxes that have been neatly stacked (out of eye-sight) since March. Baby steps...

8. a blip. Note to self: don't park a shiny black Town Car in front of your house.

7. freshman 15. OK, technically this post wasn't written in 2007, and thus, should not be considered for "the list." But, I have decided to include it anyway for three reasons: 1) it didn't make it in before the count in 2006. 2) I've got to reach here, people... I've got slim-pickins! 3) In all seriousness, this silly little post precipitated a life-changing journey for which I will be eternally grateful (a nice segway into...)

6. being transformed. I was. I continue to be. It's been a remarkable ride.

5. hard to say goodbye. You're not going to believe it when I tell you, but these pants have been put to rest. Truly. The transformation continues, indeed!

4. BIG, well little news. My son will probably need therapy after this post (sorry, Cole), but I just couldn't resist! It captured the most priceless, proud moment on film (... or digits... whatever, you know what I mean). This makes me giggle every time I see it, and frankly, holding onto the hope of it in my mind and in my heart has helped me persevere through every smelly diaper-change I've endured since that day. (Yeah, we only got one more, much larger poop after shameless bribery with a matchbox car a couple weeks ago. We've since decided to let the potty collect dust somewhere else until the summer... sigh)

3. isms. Classic Maya. She has so many of these "isms." It was fun and just-plain-funny to write this post. It still makes me laugh out loud, and it helps me to appreciate all of those little things that make Maya, Maya.

2. kandid perfection. It's almost a year to the day of that shining moment in my history of parenthood! It was a necessary reminder of that truth I need to hear daily: I'm not (and I'm never gonna be) perfect. Ah, it feels good to say it. We haven't been back to k.k. since that day, but we may try again in the near future (mercy, Lord). I'll keep you posted.

And last, but not least: my favorite post of 2007...

1. christmas letters and blogs. That pretty much sums it up for Abi T. It's what I do. It's what I'm about. It's how I make my mark in the world... so deal!

Thanks for indulging me. Whether or not the posts reflect it, 2007 was a good year... perhaps my best, actually. I blog because, I think it's invaluable to take time to reflect, record, ponder and pause on this road. One can't help but to have gratitude. I intend to take (make) that time much more often this year.

If you don't already, maybe you too should take the plunge. Stop reading and start typing!

Until December...

so now you know

I just discovered that Leah tagged me some time back in November (my bad). It went something like this: "Reveal 10 things about yourself that most people probably don't know." This should be fun. Here goes...

1. I count the strokes of deodorant I put on in the morning. It's always the same number (usually 11) on each side.

2. I eat oatmeal with raisins, flax seeds and a blend of beneficial oils for breakfast almost every morning.

3. I am perfectly content to be by myself.

4. My favorite time of day is some time between 5 and 6 a.m., and my least favorite place on the planet is a public restroom.

5. Dylan McKay (from Beverly Hills 90210) was the reason I started looking at colleges in California. Sadly, I'm serious.

6. I carved a pint-sized "I 'HEART' Q" (as in Quincy Mitchell) into my ankle when I was a freshman in high school. Yeah. I have no idea what ever happened to Quincy Mitchell, but his initial is still on my ankle.

7. I once ate 40 Reese's Peanut Butter cups (not miniatures, I'm talking cups) in one sitting.

8. If I had a do-over in college, I would have dropped Advertising like a bad habit and majored in English and Art instead.

9. I have few, if any, memories before age 7.

10. I am pretty certain that 2007 was the best year I have lived.


And there you have it. If you haven't written your list yet... Tag, you're it.